Why is it that in 2010 the male dominated society in Kochi is still so…….male dominated? Women here have become complacent and the men have taken advantage of their complacency. Or maybe women haven’t become complacent maybe they feel like nothing will ever change, so why make a stink about it.
Soon after I arrived in Kochi I felt like I had hit a brick wall. I felt like my life had been taken away from me. Being a woman in Kochi is not like being a woman anywhere else. I soon realized that certain things are expected from women here and if they aren’t fulfilled then you have society looking down on you.
I quickly learned what it felt like to be a woman in Kochi once I felt a man’s hand brush up against my butt or chest. Well to be honest it was about the third or fourth time this happened that I realized what I was up against. The first one or two times I thought maybe it was an accident, but then it started happening all of the time. For some reason these men felt like they had the right to touch me inappropriately. Why did they think that this was ok? It’s almost as if they feel they are above me, so therefore they can touch me. This has happened to me so many times that I have lost count. Every time this happened there was always plenty of room around and no need to get so close. I told my husband about this and he was angry because I didn’t say anything to the men. He would give me a pep talk about how independent and strong of a woman I am. He would tell me to shout at them and make a scene. And each time we had a conversation like this I was ready for the next time it would happen. I was ready to shout. I was ready to make a scene. I would play it over and over in my head to mentally prepare myself. And then it would happen. I would get touched inappropriately, again, and, I would do nothing. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! Why am I behaving like this? Perhaps it may be because I feel like nothing will happen. I feel like here it’s not considered an issue. I feel like hundreds maybe thousands of women get touched everyday and nothing happens. It’s an everyday occurrence here. It’s how people live. If I did make a scene would the police get called? Probably not. Would the man get arrested? Probably not. Would he touch another woman the next day? Probably. I really don’t know what would happen I’ve never made a scene to find out. Why do we, as women here in Kochi, put up with this? Why are we allowing men to feel as if they are above us?
It is not our fault that we are complacent here in Kochi. Society has made us that way. For instance some women do speak out. Their story often ends up on the news. And not in a positive light. There is always someone in the story saying that it was the girl’s fault that she got touched. It was the girl’s fault that she got raped. It was the girl’s fault that something happened to her, when all she was doing was walking down the street. And sometimes the girl’s family is embarrassed and mortified if she speaks out. When a woman’s family doesn’t even back her up, how can you expect her to stand up for herself?
Whenever I voice my frustration with the disgusting acts that take place thousands of times each day people often tell me that maybe it is best that I go back to America. I then reply telling the person how sad it is that that is their solution to the problem, that I should leave. Why is someone even thinking by me leaving the problem would be solved?! This is my present home and these things are not just happening to me. These acts are happening to a lot of local women. Sometimes people will tell me that yes, it is a sad state, but we can’t change the whole of India. It is exactly that kind of thinking that will get Kochi nowhere.
Kerala has the highest population of educated citizens in India. Education is freedom, yet so many women are still prisoners in their own free land. Why are brilliant educated people not doing anything to solve this issue? Why don’t politicians even talk about these problems?
There are a lot of great men in Kochi who know about these acts and think they are disgusting. All men are not molesters. All men do not feel like they are above women. Lots of men here in Kochi have the upmost respect for women in all aspects of their lives. The sad thing is that all of these other men that feel free to touch women whenever they walk by are making the rest of the men look bad. So it is not just women who are affected by this behavior. It is also men. The good men, who respect women. These good men are getting a bad reputation because of this. People will start to think that all men in Kochi or all Indian men behave like this and it just isn’t so.
Men, your name is getting smeared. Women, you are getting disrespected. In Kochi it is time for men and women alike to band together to put a stop to this. We can’t let this go on any longer.
Men, remember that it is also your mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters that this is happening to. Other men are making you look bad. Be supportive. Continue to show respect. And if you see this happening please confront the person who decided to behave like this.
Women, it is time for us to stop being complacent. It is time for us to show that we demand respect. It is time for us to stop worrying about what society or our families will think. We need to stop taking the back seat in life. My dignity is being stomped on and I won’t let it happen anymore. We need to stop and confront the man who decided to touch us. We need to report EVERY incident to the police until they realize this is a serious issue. We need society to know that as women we will not stand for such disrespect!
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