The stares never 
fail to fix and follow. With their mix of shock and unapologetic disbelief, they have taunted me for a good two years. Its all about a little getting used to, which in all its unfairness means you just got to pretend like they don’t exist. If you’re a smoker that is, and if you happened to belong to the fairer sex.We’ve never had it easy. And with the waves of change hitting the kochi shores, we don’t want to settle in for anything less. Is it the baseless sexist approach that needs to change? Or is it the whole damsel in distress drama that seems so safe to play? In short, are the men in our society to blame or the women? I say both, because I know men who cant seem to let their nicotine cravings down but will not (nay-ver!) take a smoker for a wife and I know women for whom the presence of a cigarette plays a more pivotal role than any character.
But all hope is not lost! Though I have had to bear the brunt of ignorance led spite, I did manage to find a close knit group of friends for whom my smoking habits aren’t a source of concern. It’s the respect they have for my personal choice of a lifestyle, moreover it’s the respect they have for the privacy of a 20 something girl for whom smoking is as indulgent as say, shopping and eating out is. Of course they worry about my health, but they do know I’m sensible enough to realize what is best for me. As for me, it’s just another dog eared page in my imaginary book of life.
From the friendly Kochi police inspector who thought I was trying to be European (?), to the thunderbolt struck classmates who chose to write me off, to a mother who blames the sun for her daughter’s darkened lips, to shopkeepers who think they imagined my hurried “chetta, oru pack kings”, bartenders who lend me custom made match boxes convinced I‘m not a malayalee, friends who think kochi isn’t the place for me, friends who think kochi needs more women like me, kochi for whom my nicotinic sensibilities are twenty years too early, its been a rough ride albeit hilarious.
The prudent prejudice has to go, the patronizing star struck approach has to go. I wait for the day when I can let out a ring of smoke with as much abandon as the guy seated beside me can. Until then, I have no choice but to remain stuck in between stares; one that are flung to me like curses born out of a society’s stubborn mindset and the other, a welcoming single-eyed tobacco filled one born out of man’s need to escape and his right to indulge. And they both chorus out, burn baby, burn.
The stares never fail to fix and follow. With their mix of shock and unapologetic disbelief, they have taunted me for a good two years. Its all about a little getting used to, which in all its unfairness means you just got to pretend like they don’t exist. If you’re a smoker that is, and if you happened to belong to the fairer sex.
We’ve never had it easy. And with the waves of change hitting the kochi shores, we don’t want to settle in for anything less. Is it the baseless sexist approach that needs to change? Or is it the whole damsel in distress drama that seems so safe to play? In short, are the men in our society to blame or the women? I say both, because I know men who cant seem to let their nicotine cravings down but will not (nay-ver!) take a smoker for a wife and I know women for whom the presence of a cigarette plays a more pivotal role than any character.
But all hope is not lost! Though I have had to bear the brunt of the ignorance led spite, I did manage to find a close knit group of friends for whom my smoking habits aren’t a source of concern. It’s the respect they have for my personal choice of a lifestyle, moreover it’s the respect they have for the privacy of a 20 something girl for whom smoking is as indulgent as say, shopping and eating out is. Of course they worry about my health, but they do know I’m sensible enough to realize what is best for me. As for me, it’s just another dog eared page in my imaginary book of life.
From the friendly Kochi police inspector who thought I was trying to be European (?), to the thunderbolt struck classmates who chose to write me off, to a mother who blames the sun for her daughter’s darkened lips, to shopkeepers who think they imagined my hurried “chetta, oru pack kings”, bartenders who lend me custom made match boxes convinced I‘m not a malayalee, friends who think kochi isn’t the place for me, friends who think kochi needs more women like me, kochi for whom my nicotinic sensibilities are twenty years too early, its been a rough ride albeit hilarious.
The prudent prejudice has to go, the patronizing star struck approach has to go. I wait for the day when I can let out a ring of smoke with as much abandon as the guy seated beside me can. Until then, I have no choice but to remain stuck in between stares; one that are flung to me like curses born out of a society’s stubborn mindset and the other, a welcoming single-eyed tobacco filled one born out of man’s need to escape and his right to indulge. And they both chorus out, burn baby, burn.
I disapprove of anyone who has more than 2 cigarettes a week. Caffeine, nicotine etc have this property: once you get used to them, you need your usual fix just to get normal. Why let a cigarette tell you when to be calm and alert? Chewing gum gets upto half the effect. And Im a bit MORE disapproving for smoking girls, since their health is hit much bigger than for guys, and affects unborn kids easily (sorry to bring this up!) and not to mention the “plastic” skin, eyes, lips, bad breath and yellow teeth looks pitiable for girls. Its a no-no for a potential mate… But as friends, just a friendly warning
Girl!!! I am so proud of you, you echo my thoughts exactly!!!! I remember the ‘cheta oru packet kings’ event. Indeed its a baseless sexist approach! And health? pff… who wants to live a healthy life and die at 80 leaving behind a couple of banal kids and grand kids? Lets burn, burn and burst into flames by 30 and not wither and rot and die at a grand old age!
By the way I noticed one thing, men want women to have flawless skin, perfect teeth and a lovely breath, but they can go on stinking and looking sick and expect women to put up with it. I think we are all trying to live up to a male perception of beauty (soft, shapely, good smelling and virginal)
Ps: We are an over-populated nation already and people are worried about the health of unborn kids LOL. Less number of kids born, the better for the existing population. I think we should promote smoking as part of family planning and nationalism. “SMOKE, GET CANCER and DIE FOR OUR NATION! MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR FELLOW CITIZENS” or “Save the money spent on diapers and smoke!”
You rock Miri!
mm.. looks like a post gathered by the sick imagination of a girl/guy.
btw, i always hated smoking, smokers. still hate and i don’t think that will ever stop.. just a personal opinion..
@ jesvin : it’s good to know your point of view as well, but i must comment that it’s a very stereotypical approach. if you decide to open up your mind a little more, you will realize that its foolish to categorize people under different labels. if you’re a smoker you should look like this, your skin will be like that, your teeth would be like this, it doesn’t make any sense. if you take care of yourself, you’ll look just fine:)
@ miki: haha! good to read your comment, i love your enthusiasm:) But isn’t thirty a little too early miki baby?
@ jack nick: sick imagination? i aint talking about how i’m for molestation here dude. its a cigarette!!
@ Jack is it by a girl and rather than what you assume to be sick imagination, it is but excerpts from her life experience. Just clarifying your misconception. We are all entitled to their opinions. Glad you made yours open
@ jesvin it does seem a bit hypocritical and being a zealot of yourself to disapprove girls ‘MORE’ from smoking. Times have changed and women no longer take the back seat, we are abreast with them.
fortunately for us women smokers… men who share the same opinion as jesvin are already no-nos as potential mates.. so no worries there!
and when was bad breath, bad skin and yellow teeth acceptable even for men? smoker or not? i suggest we women teach the flintstones a thing or two abt breath fresheners, sanitizers, face washes and visits to the dentist!
im headed down for my first smoke of the day (shall i carry my make up, some chewing gum and perfume.. jus incase my potential mate comes along??)
@mst @mat whatever it is, i just want to re-iterate my point – i just HATE smoking and smokers. what is in it good for?
Whenever i meet a guy who smokes (if i get a cigarette smell) i immediately generate a hatred towards him. a girl is also gonna be any different (never met one who smokes)..
no offense but, #HATE #HATE #HATE smoking.. grrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh
@jack mst and matt are two people…:) of course i can understand your indifference towards smokers, i have several such friends, at the least it is not gender biased. You have a point from your side as you hate cigarettes, the smokers have theirs seeing that it is their choice….
@RT/Roshina Tharakan Well put as a female smoker standing against male chauvinism!
Interesting read….I suppose I don’t have a view on the subject, given that I draw one too many assumptions from it. Nonetheless if one is exerting ones needs to be ignored while doing whatever act and claims it as a moral right, then one also needs to respect another expression in whatever form it may be – even condescending. From my side this is not a crticism but a suggestion that you ignore the rest and bask in whatever joy whatsoever brings you. It is your right just like it is anothers to question your actions. These clashing interests will always exist (in the form of dissaproval of women smoking or something else), we just have to find a way to co exist I suppose.
lol.. nidheesh…if u r who i think u r… my earliest memory of u is completely different from the stand uve jus taken
RT is Roshina Tharakan??
anonymity means nothing to u guys does it?? LOL!
This is an awesome post.
Honest, Sensible, Interesting.
Good going Miri!
It is not a matter of man or women.. i prefer not to smoke and i hope if the world continues to be so. I always point to India and talk to my girls that see in that country women won’t smoke. They are a country of rich culture and tradition; but bitches like you are ruining that culture and bringing madness and mess to the land of Gandhi. Hare Ram.
Hope someday your kid won’t born with brain cancer.
First of all Mind your language , Don’t be a bloody Hypocrite who wants to literally deflower all girls in town and wants to be married to a Virgin.
What do you know about Indian Culture? What do you know about Gandhi? Only that he gave you independence? Don’t the pledge We we hear right from our childhood,
All Indians are my brothers and Sisters. The way you talk, does it symbolise Indian culture? Or is it how you talk to your family? In that case your sir Name would be Bastard and not Carr.
Disrespect to a woman is disrespect to a society. The only thing she pointed out was women being victimised taking an example of a cigarette. First off all Learn to ECLICT and EMULATE things, instead of coming out with such baseless kindergarten comments.
Seriously, You are such a waste of genetic material. With all due respect bro. Peace
@ Nicholas Carr: you either smoke or you don’t. my point with this post was that if it is socially acceptable for a man to do so, then a woman has every right as well.
i guess your mind’s pretty clouded with this delusion about india you got. nothing new, spoken like a true white trash. about the big piece of info your giving your girls, your ignorance disgusts me.
and sir, i would appreciate a little more respect as im sure i haven’t attacked anyone’s sentiments here.
Its entirely a personal choice weather a person wants to smoke or not, gender not being an issue. Its weather you care what other people think when you smoke…
.Anyways nice post and keep burning!!! 
Miri.. girl. Nicely written. Proud of you.
@RT – Surely you didn’t expect me to be 15 for the rest of my life.
@Carr – The question of smoking is not a cultural one….and therein you’ve lost the case.
Well, you could also just find a private place to smoke. Why offend unnecessarily?
But really, women smoking in Kerala isn’t new. I’ve dated a few.
When the author tries hard to vent out her frustrations on the society’s sexual discrimination on smoking, its pretty fun to see the opinions taking different pathways. At times its turning a discussion on the health effects of smoking. Thumbs down !!
It be smoking or boozing, its a person’s choice…
But I would give a damn to the males who think, smoking adds to ur masculine and for the females who think, smoking gives you membership to the third generation generation…
@ LJ : good to know u have dated a few. maybe you could ask them how they feel about doing that in kerala and then read this
@ DSS : i don’t write in a public forum as a form of therapy, i don’t need that. so venting out my frustration wasn’t the intention. and i believe i have always sided one point of view, mine. there’s nothing changing about that. to share my personal experience, i need to mention everything relating me and smoking. all i mentioned was that my friends are concerned about my health, but they know im mature enough to make sensible decisions!
and you would give a damn? what are you even talking about?
@author
They doing what in Kerala? The women smokers I know (girls rather), are from kerala.
No offence but the whole, “Hey girlfriend, let’s go to the junction and break traditions”, is obvious here.
But, since you mentioned that you are exclusively taking a one-sided view, it’s okay I suppose.
What I know is that smoking in public is banned more or less in Kochi. Sure WE do it, but we are content to stick to rather discreet places.
Moreover, speaking in the context of current society, you would find it uncomfortable to be in the middle of hairy men smoking away (safety reasons included) and you would thus avoid such a place to smoke.
So, I don’t understand how exactly can the supposedly prying eyes of society reach into your personal habits.
Simple solution – one’s own room or a hangout place. Parents not okay? Move out. Friends not okay? change them (or call me). Besides, smoking is overrated, turn to greener vistas.
@johnson “Well, you could also just find a private place to smoke.”
A point very well made..
@MsT – if you are a person who smokes in public, u r sh**. (again this is a personal opinion. don’t generalize this to all males, like a feminist). btw, if the smoking was in private how come there is an issue with social acceptance.
i’ve a lot of friends who smokes (not females). but none of them smokes in a public place.. girl you gotta learn to do that, if you don’t know it..
This thread has become an example of Mallu Misogyny™.
@ Jack Nick: Your statement is a horrible sexist generalisation. Most males, ideally and without being feminists, need to be broadminded enough to accept a smoker (male/female, public smoker/non-public smoker).
For instance, I smoke usually at the shop where I buy my cancer stick and I am sure I’m not cutting away days from 5-year-old suffering from stage 5 fatal lung disease. And besides, such a place can be labelled as ‘public’. So your point is sort of invalid. Sorry.
@the OP!
nicely written article. unfortunatly i have been on the recieving end as well and thankfully its not cos i smoke… which i do and really dont give a shit about if a girl wants to smoke. its the 21st century. so what if a woman smokes? la de dah barf! quit staring at her. quit bashin her. she isnt breakin any rules. its her choice to smoke. its her choice to drink or do what ever she wants with her life. people in kochi need to learn to back off and let others live thier life in a manner they choose and deem appropriate.
i got like 4 tattoos on my arms and with the ohsowonderful heat of cochin i prefer to walk around in the a sleeveless tee-shirt, shorts and flip flops! i mean come on! u expect me to throw on a pair of jeans and shoes just to go pick up a take away coffee that am gonna be sitting in my car and drinkin while i roll a spliff? its down right stupid when people ask me if i grew up abroad. if i did would i wanna come back here and rot in this heat? gimme a break! whats even more hilarious is when they attempt to talk to me in thier half arsed english. gimme a break. am a malayalee as well (though i dont look like one) and granted i do have a very pronounced accent thanks to my time in the states…..its time people opened thier eyes and realised that people arent always gonna be the same. people evolve. change is inevitable.
am inked. i smoke. i listen to extermly loud music. its my life. stay the fuck outta it!
Wow, did I get the point of this whole post wrong, or are all the above super comments (abusive ones at that, I might add) left their brains at home..
@ nic carr : dude, if calling a lady ‘bitch’ makes u macho, seek help, they have professionals for stuff like that…. Did u also call all the women at home the same thing, or did they not whack you enough??
@ Jack dick : who the fuck r u decide, what I do and where I do it…ask your friends to get out and smoke, or all the smoke in his room is probably goin to kill him soon…
@DSS : Frustrations man: really?
for me the whole thing is not about smoking, but I believe it is about Kochi.. smoking is just a very apt example..
all you people high on morality, can you guys show me women walking on the streets alone after dark in Kochi…..
its about the people, how many women have you seen walking around in shorts in Kochi, they probably will get raped….
stop attacking the messenger people, its the mindset, that should change…. acceptance…
@M.s.T : Super super post girl…. keem em coming…
you cant expect a society to change its mores overnight..
give it some time…
@ smitor, you made the right point. Its not about smoking, its about the people’s attitude towards woman. The society has the majority comprising pseudo-intellectual, pseudo-attitude and lot many such pseudos compiled together to produce a projected image out there.
Guys, be sincere to yourself. How raw do you live your life ??
@All – When a man makes a fist, he has already lost the fight – Chinese proverb. Can we please debate without antagonizing each other.
I do choose quieter places to light up a ciggi when im in cochin… im not a big fan of the stares and pointing fingers… I mean i really dont have the time to educate the ignorant…
having said that… @nicholas carr… do you also tell “your girls” that women in india cook, clean and suck c*** for their men like they’re supposed to?? or is it just abt smoking that u have such strong views? and i do hope ur children lead a long and fruitful life and may they never touch a ciggi.. god forbid, wut wud gandhi think??
@jack nick im not even going to waste my time on u…. I will smoke wherever i choose to…
@M.s.T-sorry for the use of language on the comment.. great article!!
i feel all these stairs and the most of the comments are just a passing phase …. there was time wen people used to stare wen a woman drove a car thru the city …. not no one bothers abt it … cos at that time it was a new sight … same is the case here …. people of kochi are not used to seeing women smoking … so dey stare or aer surprsed … i can say that witin next 2 -3 years this scenario will change …
PS: I dont smoke, but i dont have anythign against smokers weater they are male or female.
pardon my grammar and spelling