As one grows in life we all understand that all things that come to you in life have conditions attached to it!! Whether you take it or leave it is totally your prerogative. So when our friend came selling tickets for an upcoming play in the city of Kochi (Cochin), I decided to take it, as the play itself was deceptively titled “*conditions apply”!!

Being high on plays after Rajat Kapoor’s – Hamlet – The Clown Prince & Naseerudin Shah’s Antigone, which were brilliantly put together, I had great expectations from “*conditions apply”.

For the record the play “*conditions apply” was brought to the city of Kochi by the Round Table and was staged at the IMA house. The play is written and directed by Vikranth Pawar with Mandira Bedi and Darshan Jariwala as the main protagonists.

When I heard about “* conditions apply”, the first impression I had was that it is going to one of those smart witted stories from the urban lives which most of us would relate to. And how they proved me wrong!!

It came as the most confused script with two individuals caught up in their own lives. The story is around Darshan, introvert, unsure of anything, positive affirmation speaking single male who keeps sprouting personality development jargon’s and Mandira, loud, again unsure of anything, single female. While Darshan came across as a natural, Mandira (in her funny Mickey Mouse tee) looked like she needed some loosening up. To give Darshan due credit, he was able to make the audience laugh over some humor and I thank him for the mercy.

The play started late..:(  and the first 10 min was ok. But, as the play progressed the audience sat in anticipation about what is to happen when their (Darshan and Mandira) paths cross, which did, but disappointingly nothing great happened. The story took a turn for the worse.

I can confidently speak for my friends and also yours truly who were silent throughout the play not in awe but waiting for some miracle to happen to make the play worth our Saturday evening. Just like Mandira who wanted to join “I have no f***ing clue” club in the play, the bunch of us sitting in audience wanted to follow her!!

The script of the play was totally contrived and looks like the writer had no clue what so ever in how to grow the characters. The biggest laughs came for some jokes which am sure was culled from old issues of Midday / Mumbai Times!! Their accidental meeting (or was it pre ordained!!) & supposed swapping of mobile phones looked straight from a C grade Bollywood thriller. And to top it all – in the end – they both retained each others mobile!!  At the end of it all a word for you – Mandira Bedi – You have used up your equity in Kochi – for sure…

At the end of the session, all that I had was a stiff back – sitting on those uncomfortable chairs and the feeling of having been taken for a bad ride. Well, am no authority to speak on theater but speaking for few of us, we would rather spend time over intelligent and good humored plays than something as morose & contrived as “* conditions apply”.  And maybe for the cost of the highly priced tickets – we could have bought a bottle of Scotch plus a Tequila and happily tippled away…J

Me thinks that this substandard play should instead have been called “Entertainment Guaranteed but with*conditions apply” or may be even better would have been “I have no f***ing clue”??

And a word of advise for future organizers, read that as – social clubs, please bring in shows which you have sat through & enjoyed, instead of banking on supposed celebrity value & thus spare the art lovers from such crass and costs.