The views expressed here are those of the author and do not reflect Kochivibe’s view.
My stint as an atheist burned out last week when I realized that I do not have what it takes to believe in the non-existence of a greater being other than myself. I can not. I’m not strong enough for that.
My understanding of morality and religion are intertwined. Coming from a society that’s only too happy to embrace a “holier than thou” regime, a majority of the people I know feel that kind of connection between the two- morality and religion that is.
When I had denounced religion, I found myself doing things I would have never done if I had something to fear. Things that I told myself were okay to do, because you have to live in the moment and think about your needs for that moment. Religion tells you otherwise. For that matter, even basic intelligence tells you otherwise. But that’s the problem right there. What good is it to know, when you can’t bring yourself to execute it? They say fear is the greatest motivator.
Some people don’t need that. But being the person I am and with reference to my history of being this crazy person; I can most definitely say that my intelligence is a risky thing to bank upon, simply because it can not see a second beyond the now. If I have to survive this world, I need to put up an act. I need to imagine an existence, bring to life a person seated up in the heavens or within my heart who is “looking out” for me; who tells me that he will “pick me up” when I fall, who tells me that he “won’t let” me make another mistake, who “whispers” into my heart all the right things for tomorrow. Because there is a tomorrow and we have to be prepared to live it.
More than anything, I think it is a sense of humility that lets me accept this way of life. On a broader perspective, the line that differentiates this sense of humility and a sense of inferiority can look quite blurry. During my atheist run, I thought both to be the same. With life’s passing woes and a mind let loose without any constraints, I’ve come into the realization that we are all something like molten metal that can be whammed into any which way, either by society or by religion. And I choose religion, because it is a safer bet. At the very least, it promises recovery